I thought hiding from my fears was the same as protecting myself.

I was wrong. It erased me. My life had been edited down to only the parts that felt easily defensible, into a version of myself that was increasingly hollow because I had trained myself to disappear whenever the stakes felt too real. It felt like I was running out of time before I vanished into a calcified ghost of myself.

My first attempt at facing this fear was starting Chronically Chic. Writing felt safer. Eventually, I proved I could survive being seen on a page, but what I didn’t know was if I could survive being heard.

I didn't want to sit alone in silent darkness anymore. Chronically Chic has always been about being the light, making life more worth it, and following your dreams without waiting to be fearless or perfect.

I needed to prove I actually do this, not just write about it, so I picked what scared me most and did it for 31 days. I recorded myself singing Lady Gaga mashups and posted them online publicly.

Why I Chose Lady Gaga for a 31-Day Singing Challenge

Lady Gaga had already taught me that I could never be too much of myself, but her latest album, MAYHEM, removed the illusion that I could opt out. I'd spent so many years with her music, but this was the first time I heard it clearly: You don't wait for courage. You build tolerance for fear.

After straining my voice years ago, singing became something I avoided. I hadn’t sung publicly in close to ten years, and never online. Gaga's music and her message dismantled a decade of self-imposed invisibility and punishment.

There's a line in “Abracadabra”: Don't waste time on a feeling, use your passion, no return.

“The album started as me facing my fear of returning to the pop music my earliest fans loved…
I'm reassembling a shattered mirror; even if you can't put the pieces back together perfectly, you can create something beautiful & whole in its own new way.”
— Lady Gaga on her MAYHEM album cover

That's what actually inspired me to do this challenge. Something clicked. I'd been wasting years on the feeling of fear instead of using what I actually had inside me the whole time. I found out later that the lyric was originally written as, “it’s your turn.”

She said she changed it because she wanted the stakes to feel more real. I think I’d been hearing both at once.

Fear Survives One-Off Attempts. It Collapses Under Repetition.

I posted publicly because the anxiety was the point. If I only sang in private, fear stayed in charge. At some point, I realized even my favorite artists get hate. Even objectively talented people get criticized or underappreciated.

Lady Gaga has won 15 Grammys. This Sunday, she won two more. Album of the Year has never been one of them.

Being good does not protect you. The goal could not be “try it once and see how it goes.” I knew myself too well.

If I did it once and got negative feedback, I would delete it and disappear. In an era where everything is judged and reacted to, avoiding visibility had become a default of mine, and I'm moving into an era of my life where I need to be visible to survive.

Sing or Die

The night before the first video, I was shaking and sobbing to Jon, and questioning my sanity. I couldn't hide behind text anymore. This was my voice. My body. My face. Maybe my timing being off. All of it.

At one point, I thought I might throw up, but I didn’t let myself think my way out. I built a spooky month around it and pressed publish no matter what. I removed my ability to retreat.

I couldn’t overreact to one comment, one bad day, or one imperfect performance because another post was due tomorrow. I needed to learn how to trust myself enough to participate in my own life instead of watching from the sidelines.

This challenge worked on me because it removed every escape hatch I normally rely on. A month was small enough to feel realistic, but big enough to be a challenge.

Seven days would have been interesting. It wouldn’t have changed me. It never got easier. I kept posting anyway.

All 31 covers are saved as clips on my YouTube channel in full, and also as clips on my IG highlights. I’m leaving them up as-is because the whole point was not editing the evidence after the fact.

One Thing I Did ***Absolutely* *Wrong*** the Entire Time

I've certainly proven that you don't have to be already good at something to start doing it. You just have to start and get better as you go. I didn’t even record correctly at first, or at all really... For most of the challenge, I had my vocal track set up wrong in GarageBand. I'd been recording my vocals wrong the entire month and didn't even know until the last day.

I still have to double-check whether my voice should be recorded in mono or stereo. That’s how new I am. I was learning out loud, not just getting back into singing, but learning basic recording decisions in real time, under a daily deadline, while already posting publicly.

If I'd known earlier, would I have re-done them all, and then tried to keep up? Probably.

Would that have made them better? Maybe.

Would I have finished the challenge? Absolutely not.

I almost didn’t make it as it was. I was in so much physical and emotional pain on the last day that I could barely move. I was vocally exhausted, and was honestly scared I’d have to stop right before the finish line.

Then I remembered Gaga made Joanne and Chromatica in some of her worst physical and emotional pain too, and now she’s the happiest and healthiest she’s ever been. That’s the energy I wanted to end on. Resilience.

My files glitched, my voice cracked, my body hurt, and somehow I still finished.

What Lady Gaga Has Taught Me

Gaga's been in my life since I was about 11 years old. What stuck with me over the years wasn't just the spectacle or her obvious talent, but watching her show up exactly as she is, even when the world didn't know what to do with that yet.

The meat dress. A Star Is Born. Jazz albums when everyone expected pop. She doesn't wait for permission to pivot.

lady gaga tweet: I didn't do this for the fame, I did it for impact

When I first told Jon I was doing the challenge, I didn’t frame it as a creative project or a confidence exercise, and I wasn’t doing it for attention or external validation. I was doing it because the life I want exists on the opposite side of fear.

This piece was originally meant to run in early November 2025, before Wesley's decline shifted the timeline. I didn't happen to see this old Lady Gaga tweet until I'd started putting this article together, when someone I follow happened to retweet it.

Seeing the same idea reflected back to me now felt like a confirmation that this was the right lever for me to shift.

How I Trapped Myself Into Finishing

Every mashup had to include at least one Halloween-adjacent song, even if I had to stretch the definition. A few mashups came together fast. Some left my voice raw for the next day. Others crashed and burned. I didn’t get to decide how I felt, I only got to decide if I kept my word. By day 23, I finally stopped checking comments for hours instead of minutes.

Two of them clicked for me immediately, and I kept replaying them when I lost steam. Not to analyze what worked or convince myself they were good, I actually liked them already, and I felt proud.

"Speechless x Electric Chapel" might be my favorite, and I feel like it sets the tone for the two Ozzy Osbourne ones I did later. If you listen to any of these, this is the one I want you to, and it’s one of the only covers I did in one take. It’s probably the most unexpected mix in the whole project.

It actually sounded like… me. The version that exists when I'm creating for myself, not trying to fit someone else's idea of what I should be.

"Paparazzi x Garden of Eden" wasn't exactly Halloween, but it kind of was. “Paparazzi” has that obsessive stalker energy. “Garden of Eden” feels like temptation and edginess.

These two felt the most finished, the ones I actually trusted, and kept coming back to during harder days.

The Art of Personal Chaos

Making the cover art became its own visibility practice. I think the switch in creativity after recording each day was part of what kept me going. I always looked forward to it and would weave what I took from merging each song into what I'd be designing later while still singing.

I created thumbnails for each mashup, sometimes editing myself into Gaga's iconography in ways that often make me laugh, like me here instead of Bruno Mars in "Die With A Poker Face”, or inserted into the "Telephone" visuals instead of Beyoncé.

It was absurd and funny and deeply freeing.

I was editing myself into the mythology of an artist I'd loved for years, claiming space in that world instead of just watching from outside it. Literally putting my face next to hers, and saying, 'I belong in this story too.' Even if just for a Halloween challenge. Even just for me.

Some came out genuinely cool and actually impressed me. Others were chaotic and weird. Some were minimal and rushed because it was midnight. All of them were mine.

Some Heartfelt Additions

Throughout the challenge, I allowed three other artists in:

Britney Spears: She had shared something raw that week. Days later, her 2011 Japan-exclusive track "Scary" dropped in the U.S. for the first time. It had hit me that both she and Gaga have lived with the same ache of being seen, but never truly known.

After struggling with a mix that just wouldn’t work, I exhaustedly made "Plastic Doll x Scary" as a love letter to two of the top women in Pop royalty. It starts with a nod to Britney’s iconic song about fame and loneliness, “Lucky.” I wanted to echo it for Gaga. Same words, new meaning.

Michael Jackson: MJ taught me you're allowed to live in your own head and take it seriously. That the world inside you is just as real as the one outside.

Halloween without "Thriller" doesn't make sense anyway, and he was such an influence on me, Gaga, and MAYHEM specifically that I'd always planned on ending the challenge there. I did "Kill for Love x Thriller" and "Thriller x Marry The Night" as my way of honoring him.

Ozzy Osbourne: He’d passed away that summer and was a huge musical influence of mine growing up, despite both of our appearances.

I was running out of Halloween-adjacent ideas while grief-watching The Osbournes, and the scene where he's working out to "Wind Beneath My Wings" made me laugh and cut through the heaviness.

"Crazy Train x Born This Way" and "The Edge of Glory x Crazy Train" were for Ozzy and for every other kid like me who got laughed at for loving the 'wrong' music at the 'wrong' time.

For two of the final four days, it just felt right to bring in the Prince of Darkness alongside the Prince of Pop in remembrance of them both.

Fear Doesn't Go Away. You Just Get Tired of Negotiating With It.

For the entire month, the same thing happened before every post. I paused. My stomach dropped. I braced for humiliation. Then I hit upload anyway. Then again the next day.

Even now, I was nervous to post this. I still did it. Again.

I had always been waiting for another version of myself, crying out for someone who felt calmer, clearer, more certain, and more confident. She never showed up.

A few mashups went out that I don't love. I heard the issues. Trust me, I'm my own worst critic, and I chose to put them out anyway. That was the hardest part of the challenge itself.

When Everything Got Harder (And I Still Didn't Quit)

I quickly learned how much my voice has changed in ten years. Some songs exposed that I’m probably living too high in my range now. Others surprised me, notes or riffs I thought were goners were still there.

I went into the challenge with a small bank of recordings, because I know life doesn’t respect clean plans. About a week in, that buffer disappeared. Our cat Wesley started having frequent vet visits. I didn't know yet that I was about to lose him just a week after the challenge would end.

I fell behind on Day 7. I got my first negative feedback. And for the first time, the challenge felt stupid and selfish instead of clarifying.

This was the moment it stopped being expressive and started being structural, and it still held. I still didn’t quit.

Part of me thinks Wesley held on longer for me. I think that's something you can only understand if you've ever felt truly known by an animal. I really believe he understood what I was doing and why I needed to finish, maybe even more than I did.

Where Fear Lost Its Leverage

I had spent years avoiding a reaction that never actually came. The threat I was bracing for turned out to be mostly imaginary.

Nothing exploded. No pile-on. No moment where I had to crawl back into myself or any proof the fear was right. The more I posted, the more I wanted to keep going.

“When I get this feeling, I can’t get enough. Cause I start believing, and my voice gets tough”

— "Shadow of a Man" Lady Gaga

My voice got tough. Not perfect, just less apologetic.

Some people liked it. Some didn’t. And the world kept moving. No one cared as much as I feared they would.

What This Was Actually About

The point of it all was to make something real and mine enough that I could live with it in public.

Not to prove anything to the internet, but to know that I did it, and that I can tolerate being seen while imperfect. I wasn’t trying to fit in. I was trying to stand where I actually belong.

“Drivin’ home to your favorite song and you scream so loud, cause you’re all alone and your heart beats fast ‘cause you’re in the zone and you know you’re right where you belong.”

— "Don't Call Tonight" Lady Gaga

I thought being alone with something meant no one could see or judge me. Turns out, being alone with it… like, really in it, with your heart racing, and soul fully committed?

That's when you know you belong there. Even if everyone's watching, it’s still yours.

Everything else came along for the ride. Skills I didn’t have before. Information I only learned because I needed it.

That’s how you end up with a fuller life. Not by waiting. By stacking finished work.

Listening Back

My hands started shaking again as I listened to a few of the mashups for the first time since posting them.

Some of them made me proud. Some made me wince and cringe. I can hear what isn’t good. I can hear what I’d change. And I’m still publishing this article anyway.

Posting this brings the fear back and gives it another chance to speak, and I’m not negotiating with it anymore.

“Die With a Poker Face” is still fun to me, but that beginning is rough and that high note harmony near the end was a huge mistake in an otherwise fun track. I can hear how tired I was and how wobbly my voice sounds. I’m almost positive I recorded it the day of Wesley’s first vet visit, after crying, running on fumes, and forcing myself to keep the promise anyway. I know I can do better than that version. I still let it exist.

“Telephone x Poker Face” was a little stronger. Somewhere along the way, even while doing a lot of things imperfectly, I started adding my own harmonies. Some of them were really hard, and not just to sing them, but to mix them, and I’m still not great at that part, but excited to keep learning!

Use Your Passion, It's Your Turn

You already know what you're avoiding. You can't ignore the voice within forever. It took me way too long to learn that you can't lose by trying. You only lose by pretending you don't want to try. So stop pretending. You know what your voice, heart, and soul are telling you to do.

This is your sign. Go take the first scary step towards your dreams. Build rules that make quitting inconvenient, and let the work change you afterwards.

You make the thing. You become the person who made it. Then you start the next thing as that version of yourself.

Not because you feel ready or because you know you will be good, but because hiding has already cost you enough.

Overcome Your Fear of Being Seen

Pick something you've been avoiding because you're scared of being bad at it, but also forces repetition. Set a number (7 days minimum, 30 is better). Post it publicly where the fear lives. Start it before you feel ready. Create rules that make quitting harder than continuing. For me, that meant telling people I was doing this.

Once I announced it, backing out felt worse than being bad in public.

The Music Brought Me Back From Death

If I hadn’t done this, my life would’ve stayed easier to explain. And smaller.

I would’ve kept the parts of myself that don’t come with instructions tucked away, waiting until I could justify them.

“Gotta be the truth, or you’ll become a lie, Piercing like your skin from a thorn.”

— "Shadow of a Man" Lady Gaga

This challenge was me choosing the piercing pain of living my truth out loud over the slow death I'd find through playing it safe.

That's how this blog started, too.

This is what I mean when I say you can make your life more beautiful even when it's complicated, sad, hard, or scary. Sometimes the beauty of it all is just showing up scared and doing it anyway.

Pride and validation showed up afterwards, yes, but more importantly, a new capacity did. I can go after something, even when I'm scared, and finish something even when parts of it feel humiliating. That knowledge changes everything about what I attempt from now on.

I’m building proof by finishing things publicly, even when my voice shakes. Literally.

I still don't know what singing looks like for me going forward, but now I know I don't need to have it figured out to begin again. This was just one month where I didn’t hide something that mattered to me because I couldn’t neatly explain it.

Instead of dancing in the shadows, I'll be dancing with mine. I'd rather die with a smile, knowing I tried.

That’s enough. For now...

All 31 mashups are here on YouTube and as clips on Instagram.

If you do your own version of this, please tag me! I want to see what you've been scared of, what you do anyway, and cheer you on along the way!